After decades of unbearable metallic grinding and ominous creaking at all hours, Morro Bay has voted to finally put an end to what some call “Morro Bay’s home-made horror soundtrack” by nearly unanimously passing Measure W/D-40.

One resident, who asked to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, was quoted as saying,

“Anytime our family tried to enjoy a stroll on the waterfront, horrific and sometimes ear-piercing creaking sounds ruined it. It’s a disturbing sound that has truly, and irreparably, damaged my children forever. Just last week, during an October Horror-movie marathon, we were watching a fairly mild ghost story when suddenly a door started creaking loudly on-screen. Both kids began shaking and breaking into cold sweats, taking hours to console. They are in therapy now, thankfully, but even with professional help, most of the damage has been done.”

yCommonplace in many seaside towns with salt water & air, metal hinges & fittings are no longer capable of performing at the level we need without creating an uncomfortable audible experience. What Measure W/D-40 will do is outfit our Morro Bay Harbor Department with a fantastic set of tools to “de-squeak” all the rusty hinges along Morro Bay’s waterfront. These new tools they’ll be provided will, in a sense, lubricate all of the necessary mechanisms so they will no longer squeal or creak.

However, W/D-40 did not launch without stark opposition. In an attempt to differentiate themselves from incumbent candidates running for re-election, Mayoral hopeful Wan Jeiss and City Council candidate Retty Sadowholtz both ran a heavily anti-W/D-40 platform. Stating,

“Funds for this grandiose measure is abysmal and should no way come out of our local taxpayers’ pocket. We should, instead, furlough all executive city staff to make these funds available.”

For the record, to outfit all 15 Harbor Department personnel with the appropriate quantity of lubricant would cost about $25 each ($375 total).

*Both candidates declined to comment on this article.

“My family can sleep sound knowing measure W/D-40 is now in effect… and having 24/7 peace of mind that my children won’t have to deal with the equivalent of nails-on-a-chalkboard every time they are in town is a godsend.”

Morro Bay Resident, Juan Legging

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